Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Don't ask me

Because I can almost guarantee you that I don't know.

I am fine if it is the day to day stuff like,
Did you vacuum the floor?

Does the laundry need to be switched over?

Have you brushed your teeth?

Well you get the idea. But if you ask,

What are you wearing today?

What needs to get done?

Why are you doing that?

Do you want to get together later and do something? Well the answer to that one really is obvious..NO! I really hate to leave my house and kids. The guilt is too much. Then there is the worry of getting out of my simple routine that is keeping me together that sends me in a panic. So the answer to that question is NO.

I do have my list that I keep with me at all times that has things I need go get done for the day. There are things that I should put on the list and deal with, but won't. In fact the thought of making decisions make me sick to my stomach. I have a day today that I have to venture out and buy things. I am so sick right now I really want to just go lay in bed for the day and hope it all goes to plan without me having to be a part of it.

I was not always this way. I was the go to and get it done kind of person. But then I got slammed in the decision making process.

Another x-ray? Yes!

Intubate? Yes!

Cannot find meds. Do we substitute? Yes!

Can we test for AIDS? Yes!

Do we do an ultrasound of his heart? yes.

Do we regulate his temp. because he body no longer can? yes.

Do we add more machines in to do the work because his organs are shutting down? yes.

Do we trash the kidneys and start dialysis? Ummmm

Have you started the application for foodstamps? Ummmmm

Did you finish the application for Emergency Medicaid? Ummmm

Have you contacted SSI? Ummmm.

Do we let him live with a feeding tube and trach? Ummmmm

Is it time to let go? Ummmmm

We need to plan the funeral. What would you like? Ummmmm

Where is the paperwork for the house? Ummmm

Do you have your last three years tax forms? Ummmm

We need you to close your husbands business. Ummmmmm

It is time to clean out stuff. Ummmm

Time to get back to your routine. Ummmmm

So if I could hire someone to just follow me around and answer all the questions that people need to know the answer to I would love it. I will pay you double if you answer all the kids questions too.

1 comment:

  1. very excellent post jenn. and i will gladly boss you around if you promise not to hit.