Friday, July 30, 2010
I am not comfortable being naked around myself, so with a complete stranger is not really my idea of relaxing. I cheated, I kept my underwear on. (yes mom, they were clean.)
They had a mint on the pillow and as the massage started I really wanted to offer it to the nice lady so I would not have to smell her hot, stinky breath. I left it behind when I left hoping she would take the subtle hint.
The massage itself went fine. I did not know what to do with my arms as I laid there. Not the first time for that. I tried several different possitions never quite finding my happy place. I think it had alot to do with the fact that I am NAKED with a strange women. I guess it is better than a strange man. I guess strange is the wrong word to use here. Strange implies that she might have 3 arms or a third eye somewhere other than their head. I should say instead that this is a woman I do not know on a personal level. And frankly I think I am going to keep our relashionship that way. I know if I see her some place else I will pretend I don't know her. Just like my gynocologist.
All in all I really did like it. It was very relaxing and I am so well oiled I thought might slide right off the leather seats of her car. I drank my proper amount of water so now I will be up all night peeing, in the bathroom of course, and very relaxed as I do so. Thank you so much Diane!!
Thursday, July 29, 2010
I hated my son's court of honor that he had earlier this month. Isn't that awful! I felt terrible for having those feelings, but it could not get over fast enough. I hate watching all these fathers slap their sons on the back and tell them good job. I hate seeing the pride in their eyes and I wonder how am I going to do this whole "mother" thing. I find myself second guessing all the time, beating myself up at night for all the harsh things I did or said. Wondering if Dan would have liked me to handle it differently. What do you do when you don't have another spouse to blame for all the mistakes?
I cannot stand being called a widow. I think of myself a strong person, not one to show emotion but that damn word brings me to tears and it friggen ticks me off! I dunno if it is part of my fun little game of denile that I am participated in or what. But if you want to stay on my good side you will NEVER utter that word in my presence.
Um, well that is all for tonights rant. Have a good evening and thank you for tuning in to our program.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
For LDS this is a time in a child's life that they get baptized. It is a very big deal for us. The father is the one that does the baptism and the confirmation blessing, which puts their childs name on the records of the church, and gives them the gift of the Holy Ghost to be with them always. It is something fathers really look forward to doing along with giving their sons the power of the priesthood when they turn 12.
2. Who is going to teach Daniel how to shave.
Unless he want to learn to shave his legs and armpits, I am at a loss.
3. Annual Father Son campout that our church puts on.
Need I say more?
4. Advanced math.
Meaning anything beyond multipication and division.
5. Daddy Daughter dances.
Well if i am being perfectly honest......Dan could not dance. It may be for the best that the girls are spared from watching that.
6. Are there any good movies out there where a loved one does not die??
West Side Story....out
Out of Africa.....out
well I gotta get the kid off to the drs. then off to do more manual labor. up note, patio should be done by the time the sun sets on today.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
getting it all out.
i was really holding it all together for about a month.
and by holding it all together i mean keeping myself so busy i would fall into bed completely exhausted every night.
seems that this all caught up with me on July 23.
One month after my sweetheart and father to our five children died suddenly.
i am setting the table tonight,
instead of seven.
the table seems so huge now.
i am doing the best i can to not cry all the time.
but i really feel like i could.
and it seems silly to me to cry over something that cannot be changed
i fear if i start crying i may never stop
and i will become one of those mothers that spend days in bed
and the children will be left to take care of themselves
i will not allow myself to be that woman
that is not how i was brought up
you pick yourself up by the bootstraps and you deal with the hand you are dealt.
i am just trying to figure out how to deal with this hand. turns out i suck at playing cards.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
This first picture I shall call "OUCH!" Jakey attempted to slide down the railing. I use the word attempted because he was not sucessful. In fact Aunt Regina had to come rescue him off the railing. As you can see there was quite a bit if binding in the buttocks area.
The girls pretending to be gargoyles protecting the entrance to the park. I think they look quite fierce.
Then they finished the tour with a "zen" moment in the Japanese Gardens. I love the look on Ella's, Regina's youngest, face. She has learned to never close your eyes with the twins so close.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
They run back and forth
like a rider on a horse
Some go pop and stop
Others honk alot
When a pedestrian gets out, run
You should see it's really fun
For instance, I had a little sister
And I still don't even miss her.
I think we can all see how Isaac passed the fifth grade. Complete and total fear by his teacher.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Ike was part of the flag ceremony along with the other two boys that were crossing over with him that day.
Here the chief is telling the story of the young brave who wanted to become a mighty warrior.
Ike's face paint.
The chief gave Ike a special medicine pouch full of ashes, healing stones, and herbs to help is dad feel better. Ike made sure his dad was buried with it.
Each boy is given a handmade arrow. It is beautiful and now mounted up in his room along with the one our friend Paulino made for him and the one his brother, Daniel, earned on his crossing over.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Jakey's approach is a bit different. He tries to coax them onto the hook.
Jakey sharing some of his fishing wisdom with his grandpa Reneer.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Anna was a bit unsure when she saw the stairs we would have to climb to get down.
The kids really got into it. I was so happy for how respectful they were and that they asked questions (ones that did not have to do with death or dismemberment) relative to the cave and its surroundings.
Some of the stalagtites are huge and millions of years old.
Walking back out of the cave. It is a cool 41 degrees all year round down there so it felt good to get back into the sunshine.
It is a short 1/4 mile hike to the Canadian border so after the tour we went on up. You can see in the background the border. I thought it was cool how they keep it clear.
Afterwards we had a well deserved lunch, seeing how most purged their stomachs on the way up. My mom and dad came along for the ride. I put my mom in charge of making sandwiches for the crew. SHE FORGOT!! one thing, just one thing!! and she forgot!! luckily we had lots of chips and licorice and rice cakes.
Friday, July 2, 2010
The last leg of the trip takes place on a very narrow and winding road. We were stuck behind a car full of senior citizens out for a leisurly drive that consisted of them going 40 miles per hour. Daniel's buddy informed us that Daniel looked like he was about to, "blow chunks." This brought a sense of urgency to the last leg of our trip. I desided to pass the cadillac. Well the acceleration and turning at the same time was all that Daniel's stomach needed. I look back to see Daniel's head pressed against the back window. The people that got the real show were the old folks that we passed.
We had only 5 minutes left of our jounrey by then. It took some time for the smell to work it's way up to the front of the van. When it did it set off Anna's tummy and she was next to blow. Luckily by this time we were in the parking lot of the park so we were able to get her out and cleaned up soon, but then Jakey's little buddy kneeled in it getting out of the van. UGH!! But being the wonderful mom that I am I had plenty of wipes to clean up the floor, kids and then to tackle the back door and back bumper, which had it's own lake of vomit. After that we had a lovely day! No one else got sick and we all had a fantastic time. I will blog about Garnder Caves later.