Saturday, August 14, 2010

The Bear

Went camping this week up at Outlet Bay. Same place we have been going to for the past ten years. Ten years of seeing moose, snakes, squirrel, deer and bats. But this year will be always remembered, and this is why........

There is an up side to being paralyzed with fear. It keeps you from doing anything stupid. Such as, running around the tent screaming, "THERE IS A BEAR OUTSIDE MY TENT!!", because it was 2:30 in the morning and most of the children were asleep. In fact I was also blissfully asleep, that is until my mom kept kicking me. By the third time she whispered threateningly, as only a mother can, "wake up. there is a bear outside our tent." I listened for a bit because honestly, this is a woman that can freak out over having a bat in her bedroom. geesh. Sure enough I heard it. That is when the fear kicked in. Then it started to wander closer to my side of the tent. the side that has by two precious girls sleeping. That is when I started to vibrate. No, not just quiver in fear, but a full on, un-controlable vibrate. My mom opened the front flap just to peek. She surmised it was a brown bear. GREAT!! This particular brown bear was asthmatic, at least that is the conclusion I came to from it's heavy breathing that was right by MY HEAD, or it had another sideline of work making obscene phone calls to park rangers. I almost took pity on him and threw out one of Anna's inhalers for him to try, but with the lack of thumbs and all......
So after we heard it saunter off, because a bear never has to really be in a hurry to be anywhere. Heck, they could probably saunter their way through Wal-Mart the day after Thanksgiving. We went out to check the damage. Here is a list of food that a bear will and will not eat.

Good Food:
Spinach, Artichoke & Parmesan cheese dip
Cottage cheese
Butter. Lots and lots of butter. Don't expect them to un-wrap it.

Bad Food:
Cooked Rice
Breaded Chicken
Pure Maple Syrup (this one shocked me)

Who knew bears were so picky? Not I. So my mom and I, Daniel and his buddy, Jacob gathered up all the food that was scattered around and threw it in the fire pit. I could not get that fire lit fast enough. When Daniel saw that he had gotten into the dips he declared war against "the bear" and threatened to shove a "black cat" up it's butt next time he sees him. (i highly doubt that) anyways, I am a highly visual person and did not know that a Black Cat was a type of firework. Lemme tell you, my imagination ran with that picture and with either Black Cat it did not bode well for Daniel, the bear, or the poor black cat. Now I know this is all bluffing on Daniel's part because this scared the pee right outta three of the four witnesses. One witness, who shall remain nameless because she is writing this blog, was too scared to even pee. The two boys found the nearest tree and watered it. Why did it have to be the nearest tree?

Now before you panic first let me tell you this was totally our fault. We forgot to put away our cooler. We had been so good of burning all our trash and food scraps every night but that night we just totally flaked out putting the cooler back in the van. Lemme tell you, we so remembered to do that the following night! And will always remember from now on. Secondly, I do have a gun and I have been taught how to load and use it. I did not have said gun with me at the time, but I had the key to the gun safe on my key chain! Yes, it is two hours away. But the bear does not know that. DUH. So I figured if he showed up again I will just have to show him I have the potential to become armed. I am sure he will pick up where I am going with this, grab some more butter and saunter away.


  1. So I'm not much of a camping enthusiast and the first year we were married and went camping, stupid me had food in the tent and guess who wanders into camp? Yes a bear scavenging for food an this one was pretty mellow. Tim was like " he won't bother us in here unless he smells food". Me "Uh I have lots of snacks in there". How the heck was I supposed to know that you dont' keep food in your tent?!! Needless to say I was deathly afraid to sleep in our tent that night, but now it doesn't bother me.

  2. And I totally thought you literally meant a cat too!!! LOL!!! This last time we went campign a few weeks ago there was talk about a cougar being in the area and I wouldn't let Hailey out of my sight. Now those things scare the daylight out of me!

  3. Jenn, jenn, jenn.....i can't believe you even got out of the tent after the bear had left. What if he had been in the next campsite?!?!?!?!?!?! Tell me, how sweaty were your hands?

  4. they were so sweaty that they became dry. parched with fear.