I have started counseling last week at the "um, urging" of my father. which means he got growlie with me.
I had used LDS family services before and was more comfortable going back to them before I tried anyone else.
From my first appt. I can tell you this. I am not a fan. It is going to make me deal with this. See I cannot even say what I am dealing with. I am given homework I am suppose to do. My appointment is tomorrow. I have still not done the homework. Well I did part of it. I read some of the article, but then it got too hard so I stopped reading. My goal is to finish reading and have my homework done before tomorrow. I do know I am struggling. I can see how each day is getting harder and harder for me to keep up my manic pace. I am so, so tired. But if I allow myself to lay in bed I will stay there for hours because I am so overwhelmed.
I read through the first page of this article and saw that I was doing everything on the list of things that I am NOT suppose to do. Oops. I am suppose to stop these habits. I am learning it is much easier said than done. Dang-it!! I cannot slow down. And I am miserable at this pace. Funny, you would just think, "then stop. watch a movie, read a book, veg on the couch." I cannot. My anxiety is off the charts. My fight or flight has gotten out of control. At some point I have to acknowledge my husband is dead and that all the routines in the world are going to make it okay. hmmm, I wonder if I can create a new routine that will help me accept that fact?
well I am really procrastinating doing my homework by writing on my blog. so adios. maybe.....