Monday, August 23, 2010


I have started counseling last week at the "um, urging" of my father. which means he got growlie with me.

I had used LDS family services before and was more comfortable going back to them before I tried anyone else.

From my first appt. I can tell you this. I am not a fan. It is going to make me deal with this. See I cannot even say what I am dealing with. I am given homework I am suppose to do. My appointment is tomorrow. I have still not done the homework. Well I did part of it. I read some of the article, but then it got too hard so I stopped reading. My goal is to finish reading and have my homework done before tomorrow. I do know I am struggling. I can see how each day is getting harder and harder for me to keep up my manic pace. I am so, so tired. But if I allow myself to lay in bed I will stay there for hours because I am so overwhelmed.

I read through the first page of this article and saw that I was doing everything on the list of things that I am NOT suppose to do. Oops. I am suppose to stop these habits. I am learning it is much easier said than done. Dang-it!! I cannot slow down. And I am miserable at this pace. Funny, you would just think, "then stop. watch a movie, read a book, veg on the couch." I cannot. My anxiety is off the charts. My fight or flight has gotten out of control. At some point I have to acknowledge my husband is dead and that all the routines in the world are going to make it okay. hmmm, I wonder if I can create a new routine that will help me accept that fact?

well I am really procrastinating doing my homework by writing on my blog. so adios. maybe.....


  1. Well homeowrk or not i hope it helps cuz u deserve time watch a movie, read a book, or veg on the couch. everyone needs that to get make in the game. good luck!

  2. I am so impressed with you for taking this step Jenn. I applaud you, even though it's hard. I have been in counseling, and it definitely helped A LOT with my situation, and I hope it can help with yours. Kudos to you!!

  3. glad you all enjoy. you guys are going to go on this theraputic trip with me. p.s. i did my homework. it was a load of crap and i hated doing it! i am not sure, but my atitude may have tainted it.

  4. Attitude, what attitude? Gosh I sensed no attitude from you at all, I mean when you get in a fight with your brother over whether or not there is army or air force in spokane....nope no attitude at all...none, zippo. LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. I cannot begin to understand what you're going through and I'm so sorry!
    Just take one day at a time, one step at a time. I think it's great that you're blogging about it though. At least it's one way to get your feelings out!
    Counseling is tough in any case. They DO make you deal with stuff and it SUCKS!
    Praying for you my friend! You are an amazing and strong woman!