Sunday, July 25, 2010

it is time

i was told this would help.

getting it all out.

i was really holding it all together for about a month.

and by holding it all together i mean keeping myself so busy i would fall into bed completely exhausted every night.

seems that this all caught up with me on July 23.

One month after my sweetheart and father to our five children died suddenly.

i am setting the table tonight,

for six

instead of seven.

the table seems so huge now.

i am doing the best i can to not cry all the time.

but i really feel like i could.

and it seems silly to me to cry over something that cannot be changed

i fear if i start crying i may never stop

and i will become one of those mothers that spend days in bed

and the children will be left to take care of themselves

i will not allow myself to be that woman

that is not how i was brought up

you pick yourself up by the bootstraps and you deal with the hand you are dealt.

i am just trying to figure out how to deal with this hand. turns out i suck at playing cards.


  1. oh jenn my heart just aches for you. i can't even imagine what you're going through. I wish I had something so amazing something so inspiring to say to you but I don't. i'm not an inspiring kinda girl. I'm good if you need to laugh though. actually you're the queen on making everyone laugh! we can go dancing, i can take the kids so you can have some alone time, we can have a girls night and watch eclipse again:), oh i know-we can go toilet papering!!! that'll be fun anyways you do know you can call me, right? for ANYTHING ANYTIME!!! love ya chicka!!!

  2. love the pic and the post. want to play poker? if you suck at cards mama needs a new van....

  3. Don't ever feel silly! You have been so worried about your kids, but you need to remember to take care of yourself as well! Such a beautiful picture of you two!

  4. Jenn you have amazed me through this difficult time. You and your family have been on my mind this last month! I think it is completely okay to cry and let it out. Your kids need to see it too, so they know you grieve as well!!
    If you need a day to be silly let me know!!! I can bring a babysitter too!!! And no, I don't mean McKay!

    Let me kn