See this little slip of paper?
It is a very important slip of paper.
It signifies something huge for us.
This is huge. It has taken three years to save this amount. Now everything else that goes in there above and beyond this amount will go towards getting himself established after his mission. Rent, household supplies, down payment towards schooling and what not. This is a huge relief for me.
I worry and stress so much with each of my kids. Wanting to make sure they have what they need (no it does not ever seem to match up with what they want) to be feel loved and have balance in their lives.
I parent with a shadow that looms over me. A voice that is always whispering in my ear, "Is this how Dan would have handled it? Is this what Dan would have wanted for his children?" This shadow makes me hold my girls a bit longer and hug a bit harder as I put them to bed at night. As they ask for extra hugs and kisses hoping to delay bedtime just a few minutes longer I asked myself, "What would Dan do if he were here?" He would long so much to hold his daughters in his arms, of course he would hug them and kiss them as much as he possibly could.
This makes me extremely driven. I am more worried about answering to Dan when I die about how I handled raising our kids and be found coming up short in his expectations than I am talking to God about all my sins.
This shadow makes me sad to see them grow up because with each passing year I am thinking of all the wonderful milestones he is missing and I wish I could just stop the clock.
This September I will start setting aside money for Isaac's mission and post mission fund. I am super excited. I count this as one more thing I can actually be successful at as a parent.