I am dumbfounded.

So Daniel (14) gets up at 5:30 monday morning for early morning seminary. (Religous class)

He stated, "I am gonna kill Jake."

WHAT??

He continued his thought which impressed me because he struggles with that anyways. He was really focused. "He got into my night vision goggles and now he must pay with his life."

I try to diffuse the situation because I am fairly fond of Jakey. " Now Daniel, you don't know it was him for sure. You have a lot of siblings." Please let Jakey be innocent for just once.

"Mom" he sighs, "He is wearing them on his head."

Crap. Even I would have to say that is pretty damming evidence.

So Jake wakes up. Well sorta wakes up. I ask him if he got into Daniel's goggles. He confesses without a fight. I can only assume because he was still asleep just trying to make it into the tv room to watch cartoons.

I asked if Daniel may punish him for his crimes. He agreed. At least I think he agreed. It was pretty garbled.

Daniel picked the kid up under his arms, and put him out on the front stoop and shut the door. Now this is 7 am. It is cold out! I go and open the door to see Jakey still standing there. I haul him in and set him on the couch infront of his cartoons. He may and he may not remember this morning events.

Seriously folks, i just can't make this stuff up.

5:00 pm. the phone rings. It is the kids school district. I was not panicked. This is the third time I had heard from them this day alone.

School:Mrs. Brown?

Me: Yep.

School: Your dog is loose.

Me: Oh crap.

School: Inside the school.

Me: (edit thoughts.) oh crap

School: As you know this is not the first time.

Me: Dang, they have a good memory.

School: We cannot catch her. She has no leash or collar on.

Me: And yet you know it is my dog and have my phone number on speed dial.

School: Could you please come down and get your dog out of our school.

Me: Do I really have to?

so I grab the nearest rope. Because of Ike and his love of tying his little brother to things. The only rope I can find Ike has already tied into a noose. Perfect! 'cause when I see the dog this is what I am gonna need. Daniel commened that the rope did not look good. I said, "We are beyond trying to look good. These people already know us too well."

Dog is home. Child who let dog out of backyard and NOT TOLD ME is still alive. So all in all it was a success. I just wish I could find the kid that let her in the school!

warning, this post includes wine.

well more like whine.

I have had a roller coaster of a week. I really thought I was getting better at coping, but then we did our annual family pictures. Some kids really struggled with it and as the photo shoot when on I started to notice the gap in my family more and more. By the end it was all I could do to not break down in front of the kids.

Then Saturday, I had the wonderful opportunity to watch my friend's kids while she and her husband took out their endowments and got sealed in the temple. I loved watching her girls. They are just wonderful. But I was shocked at the gaping hole that got opened up in my chest when I dressed myself in my whites to go into the sealing room with the girls (I got to hold the baby!) It hurt, physically hurt. I felt awful because here was there special day, and I was a mess. By the end it was all I could do to get out of that building and into my car! I had to pull myself together for the kids. I feel like that is all have been doing this week. Just pulling it together. Well today I couldn't. My heart was broken all over again. I physically hurt. The whole in my chest was tore open all over again and refused to be covered. I am a mess. I fell into bed and hid. Called my in-laws to pinch hit for me. I could not even pull it together enough for to take care of my kids. My mother in law had to drag me out of bed. I did not go willingly. I would much rather sleep through this until morning and wake up and start my routine again.

I did not realise how lucky I was to have someone tell me I am doing a good job, or that I look beautiful today, or that took me no matter what or at least look at me with love. Not the way a child looks at their mother, or the way a mother looks at her daughter. It is a different kind of love. With out that I am losing confidence in myself, I doubt myself a lot, and in general just feel and look like crap. Now, I know I cannot expect someone to give me back my confidence about me, that is something I am going to have to find in myself. I just don't want to. I would much rather wallow in self-pity, thank-you very much.

so right now I hurt, it is fresh, it is open and it sucks. Please let this pass quickly. Please,please,please.

Why you should never leave a Reneer un-attended. EVER!

So if you leave this guy, the one in the picture who is gouging out his eye with the wrong side of the hammer, yup. turns out you get what you pay for when it comes to family help.

He organized and labeled all of Dan's tools on Saturday. He did a great job organizing. The room has honestly never looked better, but apparently he still thinks I am an idiot. So he labeled things, everything, you name it, it has a label.

Some labels are more practical than others......

Yes, Carlos, because I have never seen one of these before.

Surprisingly, this can does contain screws.

Good thing he labeled this. I never would have figured it out.

Somewhere in bikini bottom Spongebob is crying.

Technically these are shelves. So there Mr. Smarty Pants.

To be honest I am very grateful for all the help that came on saturday. It was great to be surrounded by family and friends. We got so much done in one day. It would have taken me weeks by myself.

A letter to my personal trainer, Doug

Dearest Doug,

I know I am mouthy, obnoxious, lazy, sarcastic, and less than pleasant to deal with twice a week, but really is that any excuse to make me unable to walk? I know you missed me on Tuesday, but there is no need to make me think of you all weekend long as I try to walk up a step, stand up, or sit down (a favorite activity of mine) I am sure to you physical pain is all part of the program but for me, a wimp by nature, pain is something that should be avoided at all costs. Especially if I am the one in pain. I am sure you will read this, feel terribly sad, and be nicer to me on Tuesday. Or this will backfire and end in a horribly, fiery death for my quads.

this is beyond Calgon

The following took place in the 10 minutes i was in the shower. I know, what was I thinking? Showering before 10pm? well don't worry, i won't be showering again for a long time.

Ike has been practicing his hangman's noose. he has mastered it finally. at least that is the conclussion i came to when i walked in to seeing two cabbage patch babies, one stuffed dog, a stuffed fairy cat hanging and him working furiously away at another stuffed dog. children were in tears. Where does this kid find the rope? seriously!! i don't keep the stuff in the house for obvious reasons.

We are in the middle of a bathroom remodel. so of course all lights, shower pans, and fixtures must be packed in styrofoam. EVIL, EVIL stuff! Maria got a chunk and went into her room and tore it to shreads. now this would be messy in and of it's self but i will be honest with you. their room is not clean. it was all over stuffed animal (ones that were not alread strung up),dress-up clothes, toys, duplo blocks (static attraction un-real), and bedding. it was a huge mess!! and as you know, the more you sweep, shake, and vaccum the more they get attracted to walls, you and your vaccum. i think i got their room and the hallway cleaned up but every once in a while i run across a little styrofoam ball rolling by. the war rages on and i am probably gonna lose but i have to try.

so to wrap it up, that was 4o minutes of my morning. and Maria is grounded for the next two days.

No. I am not ignoring you

Just been very busy with home projects. But don't you worry your pretty little head i am taking pictures of the progress and will have a wonderful story to put together for you soon. At least i hope soon. I am tired of cold showers.