it is time

i was told this would help.

getting it all out.

i was really holding it all together for about a month.

and by holding it all together i mean keeping myself so busy i would fall into bed completely exhausted every night.

seems that this all caught up with me on July 23.

One month after my sweetheart and father to our five children died suddenly.

i am setting the table tonight,

for six

instead of seven.

the table seems so huge now.

i am doing the best i can to not cry all the time.

but i really feel like i could.

and it seems silly to me to cry over something that cannot be changed

i fear if i start crying i may never stop

and i will become one of those mothers that spend days in bed

and the children will be left to take care of themselves

i will not allow myself to be that woman

that is not how i was brought up

you pick yourself up by the bootstraps and you deal with the hand you are dealt.

i am just trying to figure out how to deal with this hand. turns out i suck at playing cards.

And now another poem by IKE

Eye

by Isaac

Everything is visable since I have my eyes.

Without them I could not see a cherry on a pie.

Neither could I look at a daisy in the spring,

or see my Dad's chest hair blowing in the breeze,

or watch a scary movie

or my doggie take a poopie

or my Mom when she is mad

or my brother's vision of rad

which is why I am proud to say,

I poked them out yesterday.

Mantio

My sister,Regina, came up from Utah to visit last week. I had a morning that I needed to run errands to she very kindly took the kids to Manito Park for a picnic and to explore all the gardens there.


This first picture I shall call "OUCH!" Jakey attempted to slide down the railing. I use the word attempted because he was not sucessful. In fact Aunt Regina had to come rescue him off the railing. As you can see there was quite a bit if binding in the buttocks area.
The girls pretending to be gargoyles protecting the entrance to the park. I think they look quite fierce.

Rolling down the hill. Need I say more?

Then they finished the tour with a "zen" moment in the Japanese Gardens. I love the look on Ella's, Regina's youngest, face. She has learned to never close your eyes with the twins so close.

It was a sucessful visit, although way too short! my kids offered plenty of fodder for her blog and really, who could ask for anything more than that?

And now for another Poem By Ike

CARS

By Issac

Vroom,Vroom,Push

Vroom,Vroom, Squish

They run back and forth

like a rider on a horse

Some go pop and stop

Others honk alot

When a pedestrian gets out, run

You should see it's really fun

For instance, I had a little sister

And I still don't even miss her.

I think we can all see how Isaac passed the fifth grade. Complete and total fear by his teacher.

Ike's Arrow of Light and Crossing Over Ceremony

My baby boy is no longer a cub scout. As of June 18th he crossed over into Boy Scouts. I was so so proud of him and wished his Dad could of seen it. Our pack does a really great Arrow of Light ceremony for the boys. They have an Apache Indian chief come in and tell them the story behind the "arrow of light" and why it is so important to earn. They have drummers playing in the background the whole time and they are all dressed in full Apache garb.

Ike was part of the flag ceremony along with the other two boys that were crossing over with him that day.

Here the chief is telling the story of the young brave who wanted to become a mighty warrior.

Ike's face paint.

The chief gave Ike a special medicine pouch full of ashes, healing stones, and herbs to help is dad feel better. Ike made sure his dad was buried with it.

Each boy is given a handmade arrow. It is beautiful and now mounted up in his room along with the one our friend Paulino made for him and the one his brother, Daniel, earned on his crossing over.

It was such a special night and I was so glad that my Dad and Mom and baby sister, Linda, and her two kiddos were able to be there. Next year I ship Ike off to scout camp with Daniel. I know they are both looking forward to it, and I am looking forward to the break!!

Fourth of July!

Sure anyone can do fireworks on the fourth of july, but what about catching your own dinner? Ike found his "happy place" and caught seven fish yesterday! He was so pleased, he cannot wait to get back down there again. I am afraid he has caught the "fishing bug."
Jakey's approach is a bit different. He tries to coax them onto the hook.

Dinner time!!

Daniel took a short break from blowing things up to visit us at the crick.

Jakey sharing some of his fishing wisdom with his grandpa Reneer.

Jakey's first and only catch of the day. I love the smile on his face!!

Mother Nature provided the lightshow in the evening.

It was a fantastic fourth but we all missed Daddy so, so much. Especially me when I had to pull hook after hook out of the fishes mouths. GAH!!

Gardner Caves

For the first Saturday of the summer I took the kids up to Gardner Caves. I have fond memories of going up there as a kid and thought I would share those memories with my children. What a stupid mistake!! Actually after all the barfing we did have a good time.
Anna was a bit unsure when she saw the stairs we would have to climb to get down.

We had to wait 45 minutes for our tour. Because we were such a large group we got to go all by ourselves.

The kids really got into it. I was so happy for how respectful they were and that they asked questions (ones that did not have to do with death or dismemberment) relative to the cave and its surroundings.

Some of the stalagtites are huge and millions of years old.

Walking back out of the cave. It is a cool 41 degrees all year round down there so it felt good to get back into the sunshine.

It is a short 1/4 mile hike to the Canadian border so after the tour we went on up. You can see in the background the border. I thought it was cool how they keep it clear.

Afterwards we had a well deserved lunch, seeing how most purged their stomachs on the way up. My mom and dad came along for the ride. I put my mom in charge of making sandwiches for the crew. SHE FORGOT!! one thing, just one thing!! and she forgot!! luckily we had lots of chips and licorice and rice cakes.

It was a great trip and i cannot wait to take them up to Boundry Dam next!!